


I can't let go

by Kadenashipper



Category: The Bold Type, kadena - Fandom
Genre: Bisexual Kat Edison, Ep.5, F/F, Kat Edison & Adena El-Amin - Freeform, Kat Edison/Adena El-Amin - Freeform, Oneshot, Reimaging, The Bold Type - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 16:05:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13721196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kadenashipper/pseuds/Kadenashipper
Summary: Reimaging of when Adena confronts Kat over breakup text. (This is my first fanfic so be kind)





	I can't let go

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyy!!! I'm super excited because I got my invatation today and I've been waiting for like a month just so I can post kadena lol. I'm really excited about this and I've been with the fandom for a while so it'll be nice to give back and add some new content. Hopefully my writing is alright :) Just a heads up: sometimes I get so caught up in writing that I forget about characterization and so if I change Kat and Adenas personality up a bit I'm sorry it's not on purpose.

“Kat!” called a voice that she instantly recognized as Adena’s. An intense rush of thoughts flooded her brain. An intense rush of nervous energy shot through her veins.

  A breathless “Adena” fell from her trembling lips. “What are you doing here?” Of course Kat had been an idiot to think that a simple text saying “I can’t do this” would be enough to shut this down. Maybe it had worked before with previous ‘partners’ but it was incredibly obvious that although this relationship was new, there was an intense connection that was a world different than anything she had experienced before. Adena was different. She deserved so much more respect than a breakup text. That, Kat achingly reminded herself was why she had done this, she wasn’t a relationship person. Adena deserved more.

  “What the hell was that?” Adena practically yelled despite the fact they were in Kat’s office, in a room full of people. Adena had one thing on her mind and the worry of drawing attention to herself was not it.

  Kat shut her eyes tightly, forcing out the sensations inside that were begging her, pleading her to throw her arms around Adena, and instead choosing to rip her heart out of her chest, leaving a new, emotionless and cold Kat. “I don’t want to do this” she said with a painfully deceptive confidence.

  Unsurprisingly Adena responded with an unapoligeticaly bold, transparent “I don’t believe you.” The anger in Adena’s voice faltered, replaced with a hint of desperation.

  Kat stared hard at the ground and played with her fingers, she refused to allow Adena to get to her, refused to let the damn break. Looking dead into Adena’s beautiful and soulful eyes that she would miss more than anything Kat told her “I think you should leave.” A hollow feeling followed, a dark pit that she allowed to swallow her guilt ridden form and burning skin.

  This was a panic she had felt before, her natural instincts dragging her away, demanding her to run. So she did. As her body moved away from Adena there was an incredible sense of detachment. She felt like a ghost, aware that she was moving but completely unaware at the same time, devoured by a hopeless feeling.

  Suddenly Adena was behind her again, her presence did the impossible by throwing Kat even more than she already was thrown. Her voice now soft as she offered “Is it because I’m a woman?” Grateful to finally be able to be truthful in her answer, Kat shook her head vigorously and turned to face Adena once more. 

  “No” Kat responded firmly, “No, it isn’t a gay thing.” Adena’s eyes wandered Kat’s face, fearfully searching for answers. “Look you haven’t known me long, but if you did you’d know that relationships just aren’t my thing,” Kat stated with an impossible composure as her insides deteriorated.

   
   A dena just stood, there was only so much strength in a person. Kat had managed to strip down her confidence till she was left as a fragile piece of herself. And as much as she wanted to be angry with the woman in front of her, her body was only aware of the crushing pain. She craved Kat’s touch, wanted to collapse into her arms, feel her warmth, it was ridiculous to think but even in this short amount of time, in Kat’s arms she felt whole. She imagined this was all a sick dream, that Kat wasn’t really here telling her this. But the heaviness of reality hit her like a train. As if it had not stung enough already, Kat felt the need to add on “You should try to work things out with your beautiful, lesbian certified girlfriend.”

  The salty tears burned in Adena’s eyes, itching to stream down her cheeks. She spun on her heel dejectedly floating out of the office. Multiple glances she received from different staff members did not even faze her. Her weak arms were just barely strong enough to push through the door.

  The concrete under her feet, reminded her that she was now far enough away from Kat to let go. Furrowed eyebrows did nothing to ease the throbbing in her head and heart as she allowed the cool park bench to carry her weight. Warm tears streamed down her cheeks and nothing mattered anymore. It felt like standing under a waterfall, the weight of the overwhelming amount of water steadily pouring onto her as she beared the burden of it all. And every time her tears slowed enough for thoughts to return to her mind, what this all meant, what she was losing was felt again. Then the tears returned.

  Her hand started blindly reaching for her phone, the adrenaline kicking in. She was never one to be impulsive but in moments like these, her bad ideas were nearly unstoppable. Scrolling through her contacts, Adena stopped only when she reached the most familiar name in there. Eyes shut tightly, finger held just above the call button, she sucked in a breath. Maybe she could take Kat’s advice, call Coco, go back to what she knew. In that moment though, with her watery eyes looking down at the name, she relaxed her arm and set the phone down. It wasn’t what she wanted. Adena could not remember a time when she felt as small and weak as she did now, even so she knew what she had to do. Now or never, and she could not handle never.

  Pushing herself up to her feet, she became determined. Turning back was not an option. She passed the bench and entered the building again. Adena knew where to find Kat. One last pause and breath. She saw it, the door labeled fashion closet. Kat had told her enough stories about her Jane and Sutton to know this was where they went at work for an escape.

  Her impulse now helped instead of hurt her as she threw herself into the door and found a hunched over Kat, turned away from her.

  Before choosing her next move, she took in the woman before her. Dark, gorgeous, curls. A tissue box in reaching distance. Small shivers and sniffles that ripped Adena’s heart in two. Adena had never seen Kat like this and she understood now that Kat had not left her because she did not feel the same way, Kat was scared.

  There was a sense of dejavu as Adena called out “Kat” once again. Only this time her voice cracked and was filled with care.  
Kat rose to her feet, eyes possibly even puffier than Adena’s. “Adena, you-” “you came back.”

  “Of course I did” Adena whispered with a sad smile, slowly moving closer to Kat. The two woman stared into each other, not wanting to say anything, both needing this moment, holding onto it in fear of what came next, in case this was their last.

  It was Adena who broke the silence. “Look Kat, I ah understand if you need time or space. But, I-I couldn’t leave you without at least having you be honest with me.” Kat looked at her feet bashfully. Adena thanked Allah that Kat’s demeanor had shifted, she was much more vulnerable and close to opening up. Adena’s hand reached out and grabbed Kat’s, pulling the woman closer to her and not denying how incredibly good it felt to be so close to her. “If you truly want this to end, I understand” Adena whispered softly. Her gaze had been directed at the beauty of their intertwined fingers but she drew it up to find Kat’s eyes seeing her deeply. “But I know that it is not what you want” Adena said truthfully.

  Right then, those words rang through the room. There was no denying them and therefor there was nothing left to say. Kat peeked up at Adena with a completely new look, a smile now spreading from her lips until it reached every inch of her face.

  Kat studied past Adenas stunning eyelashes, and into the orbs that held a beautiful complexity. No matter how hard Kat had tried to ruin this she couldn’t. And with that in mind, and a trembling Adena in front of her, Kat reached forward and enveloped the smaller woman in an embrace.

  Instantly Adena poured herself Kat’s arms, wet tears stinging and seeping into Kat’s blouse. Kat whimpered and pulled Adena in so tightly that she feared she might suffocate her. “I’m so sorry” she repeated over and over into Adena’s ear until Adena lifted her head and met Kat’s eyes. “Can I kiss you now?” Adena whispered with a smile.

  Instead of responding Kat desperately yet gently caressed the back of Adena’s neck and pulled her in, capturing soft, tear stained lips with her own.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! I may or may not update this but if I don't I'll definetly add another fic. Please comment!!! I wanna know what you guys think and advice is great.


End file.
